Quisitere

Quisitere

Rob looks my way. Julie is still laughing like she just heard the funniest joke ever, and I am putting the words together for my customer service story. Julie calms down a bit and sips her drink before she can regain her composure.

"Chris, seriously if you can't top that you're done."
"Oh, I know. I will say that tobacco zombie robot was probably the most horrifying thing I've ever heard, and I've worked in food service. But let me take you to the magical realm some call Millibooks. On a Sunday night, about a half hour until closing, this couple comes up to the information desk. The first thing I notice is that they're wearing the most intricately airbrushed t-shirts I've ever seen in my life."
Julie's eyes widen and she pounds the table again.
"Shut up! Wolf or dragon?"
I take another sip from my drink to delay my answer just a second.
"Both."
Rob is shaking his head with disbelief and I know he's going to want to challenge this.
"Are you fucking serious?"
"Oh, when I get to the rest of the story I think you'll find that you were there that night. As I was saying, the guy had the wolf shirt and the woman had the dragon. Over his wolf shirt the guy is wearing this jacket with all of these patches that have all the popular right wing slogans all over. My favorite was 'Why can't Al Gore fix global warming with the money he made from inventing the internet?' I look and I'm suddenly the only employee in range and I see that they're making a line towards the desk, and me."
Rob holds his hand up. I nod to him.
"What's all of this about the clothing? This isn't about fashion."
"I was giving background just like you did. Besides I applaud them for wearing what they did. They're doing everyone a favor by letting people who are going to talk to them know exactly what they're in for. It's not every day that you run into two people who are wearing what equates to the mullet of t-shirts."
Julie is rolling in her seat. Rob is smiling and it's time to bring it home.
"So the guy looks at me in my apron, name tag, my disinterested attitude, and my location behind the information desk and asks me the question that sums up stupid customers everywhere I think. 'Do you work here?' 'Yes sir, how can I help you?' 'We just watched a movie and we were hoping to learn a little more about the person in it.' 'That shouldn't be a problem. Who are you wanting to learn about?' 'Abraham Van Helsing' "
Rob kills his drink and looks at me wide eyed.
"I'd forgotten about them. I can't believe I could have ever forgotten this."
"Wait a sec, these people wanted you to find the biography of a fictional character?"
"Oh, it gets better. This guy is chattering about how Van Helsing was a real guy and doesn't mention a word about Dracula or anything that was in the original book. I put Van Helsing into the computer and, amazingly, there's a book about him in the store. I tell them I may have found what they're looking for. It's over in fiction, so I ask them to follow me. I get them into the section and that's when he notices where we are. 'Fiction, that's where "The Da Vinci Code" belongs.' I nod in agreement and hand them their book. Before they could ask me anything else I fake a phone call on the customer service phone and beat feet out of there before I start laughing my ass off."
Julie is laughing harder now, we're on the verge of making a scene in the bar, and ending up in the waitresses' list of stories to tell their friends later. Rob holds up his hand and attempts to flag down a waitress. It's not working. I shake my head and point to Julie.
"As much as I admire your good sportsmanship, we need an official ruling here."
"Yeah, Julie who won?" Julie takes a moment to regain her composure.
"I'm going to need a little while to think about this. Talk about something else. They were both excellent stories, really."
"Okay, I guess we can just put the next round on the tab. Chris, what are you drinking?"
"Cuba Libre."
"What?"
"Rum and coke with a slice of lime"
"Oh, okay. I'll be right back."
Rob walks over to the bar. He seems to be able to get the attention of the bartender quickly and is sitting with us within a few minutes. Julie looks at us each in turn.
"Okay. I think I can safely say that this was very close. So close that I don't think I could fairly choose a winner."
Rob shake his head.
"So, what does that mean for our bet?"
"It means that you guys either just going to have to accept the tie, or come up with a tiebreaker."